The past couple of weeks have been weird for me, simply because things have been good so far. We’ve had our moments, we’re still struggling with family dynamics and getting used to being 5 and figuring out people getting upset at others getting preference. Everyone’s experienced it and it’s not uncommon. Last night was a night I felt like I slept and woke up rested versus just tired. I skipped running this morning (part heat, part knowing an extra hour of sleep would be beneficial). The last couple of days I’ve hit 4 p.m. feeling like I was able to sleep if I sit for any long period of time. We have been reminding ourselves that 2 weeks ago we were 8,000+ miles away and we went through an emotionally exhausting experience on gotcha day.

Gotcha day. Wow. That’s going to be one I’m going to remember from this trip for a while. I grabbed my point and shoot Nikon for gotcha day because it always feels weird observing it with a large, cumbersome SLR. In our case, in China, around a dozen other families were in the room with us when we were filling out paperwork.

I have an will always feel a reverence for seeing and being in that space because there were a dozen families that were changed forever – new families were being created before my eyes with paper, pen, gifts, and lots of tears. A dozen other stories (some in Europe, some in the US, some Australia and other places) were beginning that day and it felt like holy ground to walk on. Here I am sitting with my camera and trying to convince my new 5 year old son that we’re not that scary. Poor Melissa was strapped to a desk doing paperwork that would make Kafka blush.  “Sign here. Write the number here. Print your name here”. At one point, I remember signing above Melissa’s name and it was enough at that point to make the overstressed manager of the room blow up at our guide.

Brendan, who was not one for crowds, and I went outside to just sit and I remember, borrowing from Russell Moore, talking to him saying in words he’ll one day read here that this wasn’t the end that even though this was familiar something better waited. It really helped me too because I remember lamenting taking him from the familiar even though he had a family and community ready to love him.

I also appreciated fighting through that day with Melissa. I’m not sure I can quite put adequate words to screen of how much I appreciate the opportunity to fight through that day together. It’s easy here in the day to day grind to neglect that aspect of our relationship. She’s beautiful and tenacious and being able to play to our strengths and fight together was valuable time. Even praying that night together and how much she cared for me to go get me water when we got back to the hotel and I was not feeling well and put herself in yet another uncomfortable situation was amazing to watch. I’m so thankful I married her.

There’s our community as well. It’s easy for me to idolize relationships and to idolize and depend on them for self worth, but at one point we asked on our blog to email us to let us know that there was still a world out there and we are thankful for those that prayed (because of all that we saw that night) and those that emailed us and we treasured those encouraging words that night as we sat in the hotel. Because of those prayers we saw we had a God who did not abandon us and we saw that we had a community that hadn’t forgotten we were there either.

In the end, I’m appreciative of the day. I think I’m completely sold out on orphan work for the opportunity to see new happen – new lives, new families, new…everything.

Now if I could only work through my feeling of inadequacy…well, that would be wonderful.

We’re also working through relational strife, but nothing so different than anyone that’s ever had a new kid in the family. We’re dealing with great relationships and awful ones where people are feeling left out because they aren’t the center of attention. The nice thing about much of the long hours of training we spent getting into the Hague adoption track is that nothing really catches us off guard, and at that, we feel like there is a great support system amongst our community when we deal with stuff.

Moving backwards, the ride home was long…real long. We left Guangzhou (forgive me if you’ve heard this story), with Tony our “D”river. He was awesome. Black driving gloves and everything. Tony took us out from the China Marriott and 2 hours south to Hong Kong. It’s a fun drive, albeit a bit lawless. People on the highway just drove – no rules – and it reflected in Tony. He was alert, on top of his game and apologized at one point when he had to break hard and sudden. Brendan wasn’t quite used to the ride in the car so he was all over the front seat and we were trying to get him to stay.

Shenzhen is kind of an economic DMZ between Hong Kong and the mainland. We drove through the Shenzhen special economic zone and eventually got to the boarder. I’ve never been to a tighter boarder before. We got met by military, shot with cool laser thermometers and waited in the space between boarders – about a 1 block long parking lot where cars from one gate waited to go through the Hong Kong entry point. We wondered as we sat there who took care of the black line in between areas. Once we got into Hong Kong on went the seat belts, and the speed went significantly down. I really liked Tony – he took his business seriously and was amazing to watch navigate traffic in Guangzhou and into Hong Kong; it was something to see.

Hong Kong? Amazing. Pretty. A crazy long flight from anywhere (14 hours to Detroit). It reminded me of all the photos we’d seen of Hawaii. Mountains ring the airport with very picturesque clouds surrounding them. Logistics prohibited us from making our way into downtown Hong Kong which is a shame because I really was looking forward to seeing Victoria Harbor up close. Still, the airport is amazing to walk around; a large scale mall mixed with a hotel and and a large, International airport. I tried really hard to catch the vibe of the airport with photos, but it reminded me a bit of Dubai. Walking down the aisles in any airport in the US and you see ‘Deluth’, ‘LA’, ‘Chicago’ and the like. Hong Kong offered ‘Vietnam’, ‘Seoul’, ‘Beijing’, ‘Sydney’ and weird places like ‘Detroit’.

It was a really long flight – 14 hours. We spent the time with some Athletes for University games in Shenzhen. Never heard of it, but apparently it’s big.

The thing that’s sticking out to me from the whole trip was gotcha day. It’s going to be one of those defining moments of my faith. I’m appreciative of trial and suffering when they are over and oddly I miss them and this is the case here. Seriously, in the dark night after we felt God’s presence tangibly. It’s hard to describe, but things turned after we reached out and you reached out to God in prayer. It seems too that all of Melissa and I’s watershed moments in our marriage happen in hotel rooms too and in that hotel, it was sacred space as we determined to endure and in that respect, it was lovely.

So. We’re a week into this thing and it’s got its challenges but I’m appreciative of the love we’ve been given and the opportunity to build our family this way.

Ok, so it was nap, packing, pool (one last time) and then off to dinner.

Today has been fun too. We were driven down from Guangzhou, through Shenzhen to Hong Kong. It’s a ride and we were driven by a Driver (and this guy was amazing to watch…he navigated traffic like nothing). In China, there aren’t any rules per say on the freeway according to our driver so it was a little more wild but once we crossed into Hong Kong, he started to drive like you would anywhere else. The crossing between mainland China and Hong Kong is interesting. It’s a large office like structure with ports for cars. Because we were in a private vehicle, the crossing went much quicker than it would in a bus; we just stayed in, they searched our car, took our temperatures and then off we went.

Hong Kong is really pretty; I feel like a broken record saying, but hey…it’s really pretty; pictures don’t quite do it justice. Large bridges span the gaps between the islands here and everything is pretty well built up.

If everything goes well, we’re going to make our way downtown just to have a look when everyone is done with naps – then tomorrow morning…early…we start our long flight back home.

Brendan is beginning to feel grief; the manager of the restaurant we were at spoke to him in Mandarin and he cried. We’re hoping that in the midst of our tiredness we can care for the needs of all three of our children and be warmly present with them.

Our finish line will be at 8:40 p.m. CST (roughly) on Friday. We’re hoping you’re there. It would be great to see everyone at BMI within reason. A warning – Brendan is incredibly shy and will most likely not want to speak when we are there…but he may want to see his big brother and little sister who he has been chatting about constantly…(phonetically) ba ba…ma ma….guh guh…mei mei….mao….mao…

Today was big. Our final hurdles were crossed. It’s an amazing view of the US from the outside when you walk into a consulate or embassy overseas…it gives you perspective on what is important and what isn’t. After an early breakfast, we made our way with our guide to the consulate which was a floor in a very guarded building. It worked the same as last time…cross a few security checkpoints…get ushered into a room with a bank of teller windows and exchange documents. In this case, because we were under the Hague convention, we took an oath saying everything was above board. It was similar, but different to Ethiopia. After a few families walked up, we went up, answered a few questions and off we went.

Guangzhou is a stunningly beautiful city. There are thousands of apartment buildings here that just are everywhere. There’s a highly efficient use of space, it seems, in driving. I feel like in some cases, some apartments could just look out their back window onto a road on a bridge. It’s something to behold structurally – it’s like a tetris game only with city pieces and everything is aesthetically done. The weather here is BRUTAL, btw. Get out past 11 and it’s the 7th ring of hell, with humidity. There is no dry heat.

After the appointment, I ran an errand to a local photo place to finish getting Brendan’s film he came with developed. I’m appreciative of people who don’t have english in their grasp but can communicate quite well what they need to and the guy who ran the photo place did just that. We exchanged money for goods and neither of us spoke each other’s language; it was magical.

My favorite point of the day was something I’d looked forward to all last week in Zhengzhou when we were struggling with the mid point of our race. Many (maybe not all) of the travel groups we’d seen from AWAA took a group picture in this ubiquitous staircase in the lobby of the China Marriott. I’d seen it *countless* times and recognized it when we came in the door. Today was our turn and it was a great first finish line and a time to reflect on God’s goodness to us through this time. We’d gotten a chance to take the photo with people we’d come to be quite fond of.

There’s also a Lamborghini dealership across the street and the Evans family and I walked over to take some photos. Surprisingly it was locked though a guy was in there (Dan said it best: “You need to come into the place with a briefcase full of cash”). We did get some fun photos though.

Afternoons with a five year old are incredibly quiet. Lunch, sleep, play. That’s how it rolled today too. Play doh is the weapon of choice here. Brendan has been fanatic about the Play doh. Pre Dinner we made it to another park, though it was INSANELY crowded. It didn’t quite work out, especially getting cased by some people trying to figure out if we had a wallet to pick. *sigh*.

Most of the group was able to get together for one final meal at food street – a chinese place in the hotel. I’ve come to appreciate just how diverse China is for cultures, traditions and food – food street had something from every region and there were about 300 things on the menu.

So…here we are. Tomorrow we pick up our Visa and Thursday we drive to Hong Kong. Be in prayer for traffic; we’re leaving post-rush hour so we have a feeling we should do well, but you never know.

3 more US sleeps (3.5 China sleeps) until we are home. See you all soon.

Brendan came with a camera; when we sent our care package for him, one of the items we sent was a disposable camera with 35 mm film. The problem is that 35 mm film is really hard to get developed in the US now; as I recall, Walgreens doesn’t do it anymore so I set out in search of a photo lab which took me on about a mile walk through the city and its just stunning; I’ve got a number of photos to upload of the walk.

Around mid-morning, we set out for Shamian island. It was built up primarily by westerners so that buildings have a distinctive look in the city. The consulate, and the white swan hotel are on the island as well and there are a number of shops in the area that cater to western couples adopting; the primary reason many of these shops exist is that market. We got a number of gifts for family and friends and rounded out our shopping.

Tonight we’re headed to a steak house with Brendan to celebrate our anniversary; I’ve said this a few times today, but it’s interesting the path God had us on that led us to this anniversary and what our family would look like and we’re thankful to be here.

Tomorrow is our consulate appointment and group picture and then we get our visas on Wednesday. Once tomorrow comes the babies will start to travel back. Thursday a.m. we’re going to be headed for our fourth city – Hong Kong and then Friday we will start our long journey back home.

See you all soon!

Brendan came with a camera; when we sent our care package for him, one of the items we sent was a disposable camera with 35 mm film. The problem is that 35 mm film is really hard to get developed in the US now; as I recall, Walgreens doesn’t do it anymore so I set out in search of a photo lab which took me on about a mile walk through the city and its just stunning; I’ve got a number of photos to upload of the walk.

Around mid-morning, we set out for Shamian island. It was built up primarily by westerners so that buildings have a distinctive look in the city. The consulate, and the white swan hotel are on the island as well and there are a number of shops in the area that cater to western couples adopting; the primary reason many of these shops exist is that market. We got a number of gifts for family and friends and rounded out our shopping.

Tonight we’re headed to a steak house with Brendan to celebrate our anniversary; I’ve said this a few times today, but it’s interesting the path God had us on that led us to this anniversary and what our family would look like and we’re thankful to be here.

Tomorrow is our consulate appointment and group picture and then we get our visas on Wednesday. Once tomorrow comes the babies will start to travel back. Thursday a.m. we’re going to be headed for our fourth city – Hong Kong and then Friday we will start our long journey back home.

See you all soon!

There wasn’t a lot on the schedule today.  In fact, it was rather slow. We are stuck out of the pool till tomorrow and the tb test is done, so it was a lot of playing today.  this morning, I made it out to a park to walk around and then we went to the folk art museum and got to catch some amazing local art.  Lunch was Chinese and it was the hottest thing I think I’ve tried – all chili peppers, it was a little more bruit force hot.  

Tonight, we spent some time with the paez family over pizza from papa johns. Holy cow, it was expensive – and they got our order wrong.  A lot of time today was spent hanging out with Brendan.  I was telling Melissa tonight that as slow as it is, I’m reminding myself that these are important moments.  we are growing in our trust, bonding, and attachment to Brendan.  He’s opening up more, beginning to look like a 5 year old and growing fond of us. Today he screamed as he played with bubbles for the first time.  

He said his name for the first time today, said “bubbles”, knows a couple of colors in English, and said “Iona”.  As nice as mile 9 is, the finish line is still a ways away.  

Pray for our time tomorrow.  We have a tight schedule and several things to do.  

Guangzhou is nice and hot and tropical in feel. We’ve not gotten too much out yet – we made it out to our pre-visa medical exam and got to explore that area a little bit.

Breakfast this morning was nice. Guangzhou is the final stop for all adoptive families and the Marriott is a popular hotel because of its resort like feel so breakfast had a number of white parents/asian kid families sitting around getting to know each other. We got a chance to meet up again with several families in our travel group from last night and see their little girls. Seriously, they will melt your heart they are so beautiful. It’s nice to see many of these families +5 days or so from Gotcha day where they are just beginning to taste the grace and goodness of family life and it’s just magical. Being able to see a child feel deeply love and care and see them relax their whole body and lean into love is just something to behold; we caught up with Brendan’s friend Hudson and his family and even seeing him Monday and today – he looks like an entirely different boy – he had a worried look on his face and just a stark fear on Monday – and today he’s laughing and waving and holding hands and beginning to understand that he is an Erdzi – a son – what that means we’re all still trying to grasp.

The hotel is just opulent. I sat down a little bit this afternoon in the lobby to take it in. Pictures don’t really do it justice – throughout all of it, an asian version of the Hotel Costes CDs is playing – I almost want to ask what it is on the CD player.

Brendan continues to open up. We played a bit this afternoon with play doh and it worked out really well. He’s 5 and things just are amazing and new and everything he sees makes him wide-eyed. Play Doh was that. Where I was getting, actually, bored he just kept wanting to experience it.

His lovey is turning out to be his photo album of us. He keeps it with him wherever he goes and doesn’t let go. Yesterday in the room he would pull it out and yell GUH GUH, ba ba, ma ma, etc. (yes, I know, it’s phonetic mandarin). Amy, our guide, got the idea to put Brendan’s picture in the book as well and that melted his heart. It was true gospel to see his whole body react to that truth that he is part of our family.

This afternoon, even more so. I learned Erdzi – Mandarin for son – and started to point to Brendan and call him Erdzi. Every time I said the word, it was like magic – his whole body reacted to it and he was getting more joyful. Now the book is even more important because everyone has a title…everyone has a name…everyone has value. Leaning into love with all the hurt and vulnerability it brings ultimately brings rewards; this afternoon was my favorite so far this trip.

Dinner was at a Japanese restaurant. Really, everything is just so crazy. We had Tempura, grill, etc. and it was just the best we’d had. The chef was amazing to watch. Everything had order and purpose and there was no sloppiness – even in his dress. There’s art and purpose and efficiency in everything.

Ok, so tomorrow is sight seeing while we wait, Monday our TB test, shopping and Tuesday is our appointment at the Consulate. Thursday we go to Hong Kong and Friday we fly.

Pray for my heart. As I bond with one son and grow to love him, my other is 8000 miles away and I had to leave him tonight with “the next saturday you wake up, we’ll be together.”

Love to you all.

p.s. Monday is our 13th anniversary. Where has the time gone??

It’s hard for me as a 7 to get full of experience, but Zhengzhou left me so. We were driving back to the airport and we passed by the exit for the Shaolin temple. Henan province has some deep history – it’s the birthplace of Kung Fu and it’s also the place where some of the earliest writing samples were found. Where the US talks of age in terms of decades and occasionally centuries and Europe talks of age in terms of centuries and occasionally longer, China talks of age in terms of Millennia – everything is old and everything is big.

We said goodbye to our home this week with gifts we gave to three specific hotel staff who were the kindest people we ever met. One girl in particular would talk to Brendan in the sweetest mom voice and find out what he wanted. We wrote them up a “Customer Delight Card” and left them a gift. It was a bit of a big deal.

Another Lost in translation moment from the day: We’d discovered that Brendan didn’t come with a photo album we’d sent him in our care package and we’d asked for it back. We then found out that the nannies like to keep them as mementos of the kids after they’ve left. We told them No, it was ok, they could keep it. Zhengzhou and the area it seems culturally that you have to ask things several times; it could be that we’re foreigners and it was a desire to appease us, but we had to ask repeatedly to get something across sometimes.

Well, on our way out, we were driving down the road and the driver pulled up next to this random delivery truck and Theresa talked to him and he gave her a package and then she said it was a gift to us. It turned out it was the photo album we’d given Brendan. What was nice was that Brendan has since clung to it and has smiled when looking at pictures of his “Guh Guh” (Aidan). I can’t wait to see them play together – it’s going to be like Gotcha day when they first meet (only without the screaming).

We also said goodbye to our guide Theresa – we started the week off horribly and ended the week as friends. She was very kind to Brendan and us as well.

The airplane ride went well. We hit turbulence that dropped the plane about 50 feet or so and scared the snot out of us but Brendan spent the whole time giggling.

Then we met Amy of Lineker and Amy – the couple who work with AWAA in China. She got us into the hotel and on the way gave us our room key, specific information and got us settled.

Guangzhou reminds me a ton of pictures of hawaii I’ve seen. It’s very tropical in feel and the air is much cleaner here. The drive into the city was lined with manicured flowers and landscaping for about the 10 or so Kilometers in. Once we got to the hotel we discovered it’s more of a resort. It’s insane the niceness of this hotel.

Brendan and I went down to the resort level and the hallway is expansive, all marble and it’s lined with very posh rooms for drinking tea which all open out to a large courtyard with a large, well manicured garden. Playing on the intercom was a Chinese Moby (as best as I can describe it). I got some fabulous pictures of Brendan as he was playing on the play ground and doing swings.

Dinner was ok; we did, however, get to spend it with the Evans family who adopted the other older child in the group (she’s a very cute 8 year old Cantonese girl named Elyssa). The Marriott is like the fanciest, most western resort we’ve seen and dinner was Ladna for me but it seemed very pristine compared to the Chinese meals we’d ate in Zhengzhou. Tomorrow is our physical as well as some paperwork. Hope you all’s Friday is wonderful! It was great here.

Today we fly out to Guangzhou and I wanted to get a final few thoughts down:

– I’m getting burdened to learn Mandarin. For all the non-international feel that Zhengzhou is, there are people here who can passably speak English.

– It’s amazing that regardless of where you are at, cities sound the same. I could almost close my eyes and the sound outside our window could be Chicago, or San Diego, or wherever

– Traffic is ok here. Again, get outside the US and it’s all crazy…Bicycles, moped, electric bikes, Buses, cars and people all jockying for the same space.

– I’ve learned that if you go outside, you need to take a camera with you. I had a wonderful interaction with a kind old grandpa this morning who, from the sound of what he said, complimented Brendan and then I got chastized by another when I tossed Brendan up in the air…oops.

– Tai Chi is super fun to watch. Especially with swords.

Love you all…see you in a while.